We’re in a loneliness pandemic - and it’s only going to get worse
Do you ever feel like you’re surrounded by people — and yet completely alone? You scroll through social media, you sit in open-plan offices, you pass neighbours on the street — and still something feels missing. You’re not imagining it. And you’re definitely not alone in feeling that way.
Here’s something that might just reframe how you see what’s going on in the world around us.
We are in the middle of a loneliness pandemic. And most people haven’t even noticed.
This isn’t new — it’s been building for decades
Research shows that reported loneliness has been steadily rising for over 50 years. This isn’t a post-COVID blip. It’s not a generational quirk. It’s a long, slow trend — and it’s been getting worse, not better.
The numbers are hard to ignore. In 2023, US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy formally declared loneliness a national epidemic. His report found that around one in two American adults reported feeling lonely — and that was before COVID made things worse. A 2024 Gallup study found that one in five adults experiences loneliness every single day. And globally, roughly one in three people report feeling lonely, according to recent data.
Social connection is declining. Civic participation is declining. In 1990, only 3% of Americans said they had no close friends outside of family. Today that figure has risen to around 20%. These aren’t just statistics — they represent real people who have nobody to call when things get hard.
Key statistics at a glance
1 in 2 US adults report feeling lonely — US Surgeon General Advisory (2023)
1 in 5 Adults experience loneliness every day — Gallup (2024)
1 in 3 People globally report loneliness — 2024 global data
This isn’t just a feelings problem — it’s a health crisis
Dr Murthy’s advisory didn’t just describe loneliness as a social problem — he framed it as a public health emergency. The research shows that chronic loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 29%. It raises the likelihood of heart disease, stroke, and dementia. And — this is the stat that lands hardest — the health impact of loneliness is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
We have entire public health campaigns around smoking, around obesity. around mental health — Loneliness needs some focus.
First, let’s get clear on what loneliness actually is
Loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. You can be in a packed room — at a party, in a meeting, at a family dinner — and feel completely disconnected. As Dr Murthy put it, loneliness is about the quality of your connections, not the quantity. It’s the gap between the connection you have and the connection you need. It’s about belonging, depth, and feeling genuinely seen by the people around you.
That distinction matters, because it completely changes how we should be thinking about solutions.
So what’s the answer? and it may not be what you think, or maybe it is…..
I had a conversation recently with someone who suggested that AI could solve the loneliness problem. After all, AI can talk to you, respond to you, even seem to understand you. Wouldn’t that give lonely people someone — or something — to connect with?
It’s a well-intentioned idea, but it fundamentally misses the point.
Loneliness is a lack of human connection and belonging. An AI can simulate a conversation — but it cannot truly understand what it means to be human. It hasn’t experienced loss, rejection, joy, failure, or love. It can’t sit with you in silence and make you feel less alone. It can’t show up at your door when things go wrong.
And here’s my real concern: if people lean on AI as a substitute for human connection, it won’t solve the problem — it will make it worse. Lonely people will become more isolated, spending more time with screens and less time talking to their neighbours, calling a friend, or turning up for their community. The research already points to this — social media gives us the appearance of connection while often deepening the sense of isolation underneath.
“Whether we’re lonely or not has to do with the quality of connections in our life, not the quantity.” — Dr Vivek Murthy, US Surgeon General
The fix is simpler than we think — and harder than we want
There’s no app for this. No algorithm. What works is what has always worked — genuine human connection. And that takes effort, especially in a world that has made it easier than ever to opt out.
Here are a few practical things worth considering:
Start small and local
Say hi to your neighbours. Learn their names. These small moments of acknowledgement build the foundation of community — and they cost nothing.
Put the phone down — intentionally
Scrolling gives you the illusion of connection without the substance. Try replacing 20 minutes of screen time with a phone call to someone you’ve been meaning to catch up with.
Show up for your community
Join something. Volunteer. Go to the local event you’ve been putting off. Dr Murthy specifically highlights service to others as one of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness — and the research backs that up.
Be honest about how you’re feeling
There’s still a stigma around admitting you’re lonely. But vulnerability is where connection begins. The conversation you’re avoiding might be the one that changes things.
The bottom line
We live in a world that is more connected than ever — and yet people have never felt more alone. That’s not a technology problem, it’s a human one and it needs a human solution.
AI has its place. It can be a powerful tool for many things — but filling the deep human need for belonging, community, and real connection isn’t one of them. Don’t let it become a substitute for the real thing.
So get out there. Say “Hi” to the person next to you. Check in on a friend. Turn up for your community. The world is full of people who are quietly craving exactly the same thing you are.
Sources
US Surgeon General Advisory, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” (2023) · Cigna Loneliness Index · Gallup (2024) · Pew Research Center (2024)
Want to talk through how life transitions, career changes, or workplace challenges might be affecting your sense of connection and belonging? Visit itsmylife.co.nz or get in touch — I’d love to help.
We need to feel a deeper connection to our communities, our neighbours and our friends/family.