The Illusion of Desirability - How to Create Demand and Land Your Next Role
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone wanted you?
Not just socially but professionally too. Where hiring managers are chasing you, where opportunities seem to find you, and where every conversation you have in the job market feels like it’s coming from a position of strength rather than desperation.
It sounds like a fantasy, but there’s a real, practical strategy behind it and I’ve been using it with coaching clients for over two decades.
I call it the illusion of desirability.
It Started on a Friday Night in Manchester
Picture the scene if you will - It’s a wet, windy, cold Friday night in Manchester in the 90s. Five lads in their early twenties are deciding which nightclub to head to as it creeps toward 11pm.
Walking past a newly opened club, they spot a queue snaking all the way around the outside of the building, no shelter, rain coming down sideways. Do they keep walking or do they join the back of the line?
“Must be good in there — look at the queue,” one of them says.
So they join.
The queue moves quickly and once inside, they realise the only people already in the club are the people who were in the queue just ahead of them.
The place was essentially empty but within the hour, it was packed. Why? Because the queue signalled that it was worth being in. The appearance of demand created demand.
That story has never left me, not just the great night we had but how that nightclub got us to go in. And it applies directly to how you show up in the job market.
Cafés, Restaurants, and the Psychology of Popularity
It’s not just nightclubs - restaurants and cafés deliberately seat people near the front window so the place looks busy from the street. If you’ve ever walked past two similar cafés side by side one buzzing, one empty you already know which one you’d choose without even reading the menu.
This isn’t coincidence, it’s strategy and it works because of a deeply human bias: we interpret popularity as proof of quality. Social psychologists call it social proof — the idea that when we’re uncertain, we look to others to decide what’s worth our attention.
In the job market, you are the café. The question is: which one are you showing up as?
So What Does This Have to Do With Job Hunting?
Everything.
When you’re looking for your next role, you are, whether you like it or not, you are a product in a market. And like any product, perception shapes value.
Consider two candidates going for similar roles:
Candidate A mentions in passing to a recruiter that they have a few conversations underway, some interviews lined up next week and are still working through which opportunities feel like the right fit.
Candidate B admits they’ve had no interviews, nothing in the pipeline, and are starting to feel frustrated.
Same skills, same CV - completely different signal to the market.
Candidate A creates a sense of scarcity and momentum. Employers don’t want to miss out on good talent, especially if their competitors are already looking at them. That FOMO (fear of missing out) is real, and it works in your favour. Candidate B, through no fault of their skills, has inadvertently made themselves look like the empty café.
How to Build Your Own Illusion of Desirability
“The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear.” — Socrates
Here’s the good news: this doesn’t require you to lie, exaggerate, or fake confidence you don’t have. It requires you to be strategic about how you show up and what the messages are that you are giving to the market. Here’s how:
1. Control your narrative - don’t fill the silence with doubt
When someone asks how your job search is going, resist the urge to vent about how tough it is. A simple “I’ve got a few things moving, still working out what the best fit looks like” is honest and creates the right impression. You don’t owe anyone a full breakdown.
2. Be genuinely active in the market
The best way to create the illusion of desirability is to make it real. Apply broadly (but keep it to roles that you are suited to), take exploratory conversations even if the role isn’t perfect, attend industry events, grab a coffee with your contacts. Activity creates momentum and momentum creates options.
3. Use LinkedIn strategically
Be visible. Post, comment, engage with your industry. When hiring managers or recruiters look you up (and they will), an active, well-positioned profile signals that you’re in demand and connected, not sitting quietly waiting for someone to notice you.
4. Mention interest without desperation
If a recruiter or employer asks where else you’re looking, you can be honest without being evasive or oversharing. “I’m having a few conversations - I want to make sure the next move is the right one” signals that you have standards, and people with standards tend to be worth pursuing.
You can also honestly say that some of the conversations you are having are confidential so you don’t have to go into any details with anyone (especially recruiters)
5. Don’t rush to fill awkward pauses
In interviews and salary conversations, silence can feel uncomfortable and candidates often fill it by conceding too quickly. Let the pause sit - it signals confidence, and confidence signals desirability.
6. Look the part, everywhere
Your personal brand - how you dress, how you write, how you carry yourself on calls and in meetings contributes to the overall impression. Think of it as your shopfront. If it looks polished and purposeful, people assume what’s inside is worth their time. (feel free to check out my Personal Brand post)
The Bottom Line
The job market, like most human systems, is not purely rational. It’s emotional, tribal, and heavily influenced by perception. That’s not cynical, it’s just how people work.
You don’t need to be someone you’re not, but you do need to be strategic about how you present the person you are. Build momentum, communicate confidence, stay active, and protect your narrative.
Because the candidates who land the best roles aren’t always the most qualified.
They’re often just the ones who looked like they were already worth fighting over.